I’m sitting in this chair, overwhelmed by the events of the last month+. So much has happened, and I want to be able to fill you all in. I know I dropped off for a while, except to announce that I finished Draft 1 of Kingdom of Shadows (hip hip hooray). Let me fill you in on what else happened during this transition from Summer to Fall.
- My kids went back to school. Huzzah! They are both enjoying it so far, but my son has a metaphorical ton of homework every night, which of course I need to help him with. Thankfully, it’s not rocket science (or algebra) yet, so I am able to help.
- I found my biological family, on my birth mother’s side. I had been searching for years, and FINALLY one of the DNA tests paid off. I matched with a Great Uncle, who connected me with my Grandmother. We talked, laughed, cried, and bonded. It was magical. Well, all up until the point my Birth Mother told my Grandma that she was not interested in making contact with me (not even emails!), and she did not want me to have access to her or my brother (I have a brother!). That absolutely broke my heart, in the least-magical way possible. That was over a month ago, and she has not changed her position, much to my dismay. I mean, I get it, I don’t want to drop in like a bombshell and disrupt her life, and I know me making contact is probably opening a lot of old wounds that never healed (I’ve got those too, adoption is such a tricky thing)… but what I wouldn’t give for just ONE conversation. I’m 99% sure I know exactly why she doesn’t want to make contact (it has to do with my super conservative/religious upbringing, and some career choices of hers in the early 2000’s that I discovered via some intense Google searching). I think she’s afraid I’d judge her, maybe? If she gave me a chance, she’d know that’s the farthest thing from the truth–that’s not who I am at all. L, if you are reading this, I love you.
- Needless to say, after spending your entire childhood and life crying yourself to sleep and feeling abandoned and rejected by the person who gave birth to you, and then ACTUALLY being rejected by them in adulthood… wonderful thing for mental health. So I hit a pretty severe depressive patch. I didn’t write a word for almost 2 weeks. Then I wrote a bunch of poetry to get out my feelings, so I wouldn’t be simmering in them forever.
- It was my birthday! I didn’t do a whole lot except take the day off work, nap, and then go eat dinner with my family. I got some new running shoes, new work shoes, and a few new shirts. The highlight of my day was hearing from my bio Grandma, though. All my life I dreamed of that- a “Happy Birthday” from someone I’m related to. A few distant cousins I’ve connected with reached out, too, so that was awesome.
- I got sick with a nasty inner-ear and sinus infection that knocked me on my butt for a few days. Ugh.
- I launched The Burning Book Candle Co., a bookish soy wax candle shop. Candle making has always been a hobby of mine, and I figured, ‘why not put myself out there and see if I can get some extra cash? Lord knows we need it.’ I’m having fun with it so far! It’s still a small venture, but I’m slowly adding more options.
- My husband got the CHICKEN POX. Yep. Chicken Pox. He never had it as a kid and wasn’t vaccinated, so he was prime real estate when the virus went looking. He was cleared to return to work tomorrow, thankfully, because his 2 weeks home in bed has been less-than-fun for the whole family. I’ve been working extra hours to make up the loss of him working, plus caring for him and the house to the best of my ability. It has been intense.
- I got a mini-promotion at work, which will eventually come with an ACTUAL promotion, they are just waiting on some paperwork to be signed by the District Manager before it’s official. But I’m so thankful and excited. If you asked me 4 months ago where my life was headed, I wouldn’t have guessed this, but I’m so glad that this is where I’ve ended up.
SO… that has been my August and September, in a nutshell. I’m so tired, both physically and emotionally. Some good stuff happened, some devastating stuff happened… I feel like my heart and mind have been whipped around on a roller coaster. I’m ready to get off. I hope that the last Quarter of the year brings only good things. It’s my favorite time of the year, starting with Halloween, so I’ve got high hopes.
If you read this whole thing, thank you! I know I’ve rambled on, but I had a lot to get off my chest. So thanks for listening.